i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
