All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
