ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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