shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
