He asked to "fluff my boner.."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize