just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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