Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
