found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
