Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
BRING THE BAGELS
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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