Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
