you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize