I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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