I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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