yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
