I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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