matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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