did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
