So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
