Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
