She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
