I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize