I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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