hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
