You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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