I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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