It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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