You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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