Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need to calm my uterus...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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