Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
