So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
