apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
