she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
