Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
