i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
