Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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