I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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