Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
