laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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