nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
