Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
