Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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