actually, I'm a sock model
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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