His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
