I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
