like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You may now shotgun with the bride
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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