he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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