Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
