I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
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