Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
