3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
