Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize