R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
