To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
