That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
