3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
another moral hangover. fuck.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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