Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
