do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
