Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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