Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
