Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it hurts more in the daytime
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
