she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This house was built for laser tag.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
