I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
