I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
