I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
