I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize