If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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