Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
