my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
