Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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