Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
