I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
