i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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