i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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