Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
