I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
