wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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