Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
