Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
