you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Your dad touched me again.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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