i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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