We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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