so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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