Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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