I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
