Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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