I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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