He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
ttyl tear gas
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
