just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
