we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
