Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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