last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
