addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
